Don't quit your group because of *-Fail
Jun. 14th, 2013 07:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alexxkayA lot of people I know are concerned because their social circle (or subculture, or industry) has suffered from an increasing number of scandals due to systemic sexism and racism and other types of Fail in recent years. People fear that their group is somehow degenerating.
In the examples I am closely familiar with, what's going on is exactly the opposite of degenerating, though things appear bad on the surface. The truth is that the institutional Fail has been there all along. What's changed is the context the Fail happens in. On a broad level, societal mores are changing (if not as quickly as we would like). On a more personal level, many fewer victims are willing to quietly accept it when tribal elders mistreat them. More people are willing to speak up, and patterns of abuse in specific individuals become more apparent. Moreover, many people who would have formerly stood by and shrugged their shoulders when seeing only rare instances of abuse, convert to active allies when they are made aware of its actual extent.
I hear people say things like "Why should I stay part of a group that has such vile members in it?"
I'll tell you why. Because *every* group of human beings (larger than about three) contains some assholes, at least at first formation. If you have groups which *don't* contain assholes, then it's because people have done the work to make it clear to the assholes that they are Not Welcome. Such things do not occur on their own.
I'm not saying that you are morally obligated to reform every group that exists, far from it. But if you think a group sounds like a neat place to be, if only it wasn't for the assholes -- then at least consider whether it's worth your while to try and push the assholes out. It's more possible than you might think, and gets easier every time it happens.
In the examples I am closely familiar with, what's going on is exactly the opposite of degenerating, though things appear bad on the surface. The truth is that the institutional Fail has been there all along. What's changed is the context the Fail happens in. On a broad level, societal mores are changing (if not as quickly as we would like). On a more personal level, many fewer victims are willing to quietly accept it when tribal elders mistreat them. More people are willing to speak up, and patterns of abuse in specific individuals become more apparent. Moreover, many people who would have formerly stood by and shrugged their shoulders when seeing only rare instances of abuse, convert to active allies when they are made aware of its actual extent.
I hear people say things like "Why should I stay part of a group that has such vile members in it?"
I'll tell you why. Because *every* group of human beings (larger than about three) contains some assholes, at least at first formation. If you have groups which *don't* contain assholes, then it's because people have done the work to make it clear to the assholes that they are Not Welcome. Such things do not occur on their own.
I'm not saying that you are morally obligated to reform every group that exists, far from it. But if you think a group sounds like a neat place to be, if only it wasn't for the assholes -- then at least consider whether it's worth your while to try and push the assholes out. It's more possible than you might think, and gets easier every time it happens.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-16 02:49 pm (UTC)I disagree with your parenthetical in the strongest possible terms. Politeness does *not*, and should not, trump correctness. And since this is my space, I'm not going to censure someone for being blunt but honest.
Yes, Siderea's tone was harsh. I believe that that's intended to make the recipient pay more attention than they have been doing. "Try harder" means* that Siderea thinks that Umbran *is* capable of understanding the logical conclusions she has drawn without her having to explain them at length, should he choose to put in the effort. And I agree.
*My interpretation, of course.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-16 11:12 pm (UTC)Umbran asked "I don't see how you find it to be limited to..."
That is a question about Siderea's knowledge and opinion, not anything Umbran can *ever* infer.
Politeness-Fail. So I am trying your suggested solution. Doesn't look like it is working.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-22 12:22 am (UTC)Questions are things that end in question-marks. That's how you can tell they are questions.
Umbran got precisely as much courtesy as he showed. If you cannot tell how Umbran is being rude, you are probably regularly offending people the same way.