Alexx's Journal

I could have sworn I re-posted this at the time, but apparently not, I just emailed Kestrell a copy. So here, for general enjoyment, is the Seanan McGuire Twitter adventure we call "Owls are Made of Knives".


There is an owl in the trees outside my window, hooting like it has been personally dispatched to bring as the Good Word of Athena.
11:49 AM - 16 Feb 2016

The cats are going MOTHERFUCKING GONZO BALLISTIC with excitement. Ever see a 28-lb cat hit the window? SHIT SHAKES.
11:49 AM - 16 Feb 2016

Alice and Thomas just jumped for the window at the same time and collided in midair. This is some Cartoon Network bullshit.
11:52 AM - 16 Feb 2016

The owl is still going.
11:52 AM - 16 Feb 2016

Is this owl here to deliver my Hogwarts letter?
11:53 AM - 16 Feb 2016
82% Yes
18% No
391 votes . Final results

Alice is now snubbing the owl. She is LOUDLY SLEEPING, while Thomas howls in fury at the uncaring window.
11:56 AM - 16 Feb 2016

This is how feline supervillains are made. With an owl, and a window that won't conveniently open.
11:56 AM - 16 Feb 2016

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OWL JUST HIT THE WINDOW
12:28 PM - 16 Feb 2016

WHY OWL WHY NO THOMAS NO DON'T HIT THE WINDOW BACK WHAT THE FUCK
12:29 PM - 16 Feb 2016

NATURE STOP
12:29 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Owl was brown, shaggy, not a barn owl, larger than I like an owl to be when near me, and totally fine.
12:53 PM - 16 Feb 2016

I do not have pictures of Owl, because Owl is JUST FINE, THANKS, and attempted to chase me out of the yard when I went outside.
1:10 PM - 16 Feb 2016

When I say "attempted," read "succeeded in doing so."
1:10 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Nothing says "aren't you lucky to live with me?" like an unexpected dead owl on top of the frozen peas.
1:11 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Owl was not dead. Owl is JUST FINE. Owl made an UNGODLY NOISE, mantled its wings, and ran at me. OWLS CAN RUN.
1:11 PM - 16 Feb 2016

OWLS CAN RUN LIKE HOLY FUCK NOBODY'S FUCKING BUSINESS GO OWL GO PLEASE GO PLEASE GO AWAY.
1:12 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Owl is still in the bushes outside my bedroom window, hooting occasionally. Smug fucker.
1:14 PM - 16 Feb 2016

If Owl does not recover and fly away in an hour or so, I'm going to call Wildlife Rescue.
1:14 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Owl owns my yard now.
1:14 PM - 16 Feb 2016

If I call Wildlife Rescue, I bet THEY'LL let me take a picture without trying to TAKE MY FACE.
1:15 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Pro tip: if you try to do this, an owl may eat your face. A large, angry, aggressive, dazed, teenage owl with talons like knives.
1:18 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Multiple people have now asked for pictures. Y'all, I have no pictures because Owl is BIG, ANGRY, FAST, and POINTY.
1:23 PM - 16 Feb 2016

I enjoy taking pictures of things that are not ACTIVELY TRYING TO MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND TAKE MY FACE.
1:24 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Owl is NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS. Owl is blaming me for all of its woes. OWL IS MADE OF KNIVES.
1:24 PM - 16 Feb 2016

NO I AM NOT STAGING A POKEMON BATTLE BETWEEN THOMAS AND THE OWL HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS
NO.
1:29 PM - 16 Feb 2016

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO
1:36 PM - 16 Feb 2016

OWL NO DO NOT ATTACK THE WINDOW NO
1:36 PM - 16 Feb 2016

I now know what the scream of a frustrated Great Horned Owl sounds like from five feet away. In other news, Alice can levitate.
1:37 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Owl is screaming again, but not attacking the window. It is a different scream this time. I am going to investigate.
1:41 PM - 16 Feb 2016

If I am not back in five minutes, I have just had the best horror movie death I could reasonably expect in this reality.
1:41 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Update: Owl has killed the ever-loving shit out of a mockingbird.
This is the best day of my life.
TAKE THAT, YOU NOISY BASTARDS.
1:45 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Owl is still refusing to come into a position where I can take his picture through my window, but feathers occasionally drift by.
1:51 PM - 16 Feb 2016

There are three more mockingbirds living in those trees, Owl. PLEASE EAT THEM ALL I DO NOT WANT THEM.
1:51 PM - 16 Feb 2016

Hoo hoo, says Owl.
Hoo HOO hoo, says Owl.
FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M HIDING UNDER MOMMY, says my cat.
2:02 PM - 16 Feb 2016

The hooting has stopped. I am going outside again.
2:06 PM - 16 Feb 2016

OWL IS GONE REPEAT OWL IS GONE OWL HAS FLOWN THE FUCK BACK TO WHATEVER UNSPEAKABLE HELL IT WAS SPAWNED FROM
2:10 PM - 16 Feb 2016

GOODBYE OWL
HA HA HA HA YOU DIDN'T GET MY FACE
GOODBYYYYYYYYYYYYE OWL
2:11 PM - 16 Feb 2016

The inimitable John M. Ford once said: “Every book is three books, after all; the one the writer intended, the one the reader expected, and the one that casts its shadow when the first two meet by moonlight.” Of course, the number is far larger than three, for EVERY individual reader has their own expectations and casts their own shadow across the work. Also of course, this is just as true of movies as it is of books.

Today, Kestrell and I each saw a movie that no one else will ever see.

Mindhorn is a fun, silly movie. It opens with a prologue in the 1980s, where actor Richard Thorncroft is starring in the hit TV series “Mindhorn”, playing a police man with a bionic eye that also functions as a lie detector. When the story jumps to the present day, however, we find that Richard hasn’t landed a decent role since. He is therefore thrilled to find that some actual police need his help in a way which he hopes will generate publicity. They have a lead in a murder case – but the suspect refuses to speak with anyone except Detective Mindhorn. Along the way, Richard reunites with several friends (and enemies) who he hasn’t seen in a quarter century. Needless to say, wackiness ensues, and before long Detective Mindhorn is actively investigating the case.

The script is decent, if rarely actually surprising. The actors are engaging and funny. I can recommend it as an amusing bit of fluff on those grounds.

But the movie which Kestrell and I saw was side-splittingly HILARIOUS for reasons which we did not anticipate. You see, it turns out that this suspect who will only speak to Detective Mindhorn demands to be referred to as “The Kestrel”. Which is often followed up by an utterance of “Ca-KAW!” It is quite common for us to take longer than the stated running time to watch a film because I frequently pause it to describe a detailed piece of visuals. It is less common that I have to pause to wait for one or both of us to stop helplessly giggling. Today, there was A LOT of pausing.

ETA: Kestrell's take.

Evening naps clearly make for interesting dreams, though this one isn't nearly as good as the last.

A sitcom set in a world where all religion and mythology is true. Emphasis on ALL – not just that which is accepted by official dogma. Our viewpoint into this world is a set of gossip tabloids, all competing to get the juiciest details of the latest drunk divinities before anyone else. Sort of a triangulation between American Gods, Fables, and Thorne Smith.

"Hey man, I was just tryin' ta help."
"Do you know how many people I have had to KILL because of your 'help'? TWELVE! Twelve people! So far..."

I have a vague memory of some friends linking to a site that mocked Hollywood's idea of "historical costuming" in significant detail. Can anyone give me a pointer? Because I just saw something I really have to share with them. The first segment of "Spirits of the Dead" (1968), based on a Poe short story, featured a lot of amazing costume work, much of which I can only describe as "Renaissance stripper". This site has some images, but they're missing several of my favorite outfits...

Click through for a bunch more like this.

(h/t james_nicoll)

Jack Kirby was one of the all-time great super-hero artists and story-tellers. Few people would acclaim him for his dialogue skills, however. I've just been reading "Captain America's Bicentennial Battles" from 1976. It's a time-travel story, and one section features Cap meeting up with Benjamin Franklin in Philadelphia. Ben is impressed by the costume, and calls "Miss Betsy" in to take a look at it, since the color scheme looks like it might be a good one for the flag they're working on. When Cap realizes the time paradox, he bursts out with the following:

"IT ISN'T POSSIBLE! IT JUST ISN'T POSSIBLE! I-I've been RIPPED-OFF by Benjamin Franklin!"

Also of note: while reading the first chapter, I kept remarking to myself "Gosh, there's a lot more texture and detail to this art than Kirby usually has. I wonder who inked it?" A quick look at the credits reveals that one of the inkers was "B. Smith", who would soon go on to use the much snootier name "Barry Windsor-Smith". Not a combination that would ever have occurred to me, but it works *really* well.

Not long ago, kestrell scanned a book of ancient greek poetry (_Seven Greeks_ translated by Guy Davenport). I had to do some serious proofing help on that, because most of it consists of stuff that only exists now as fragments, and the OCR program tended to make poor choices about what piece went where. So I ended up reading the book, in some depth, myself. Kes has already shared excerpts from two of her favorites: Archilochos, the warrior-poet, and Diogenes, philosopher, curmudgeon, and professional beggar.

My favorite was a playwright named Herondas from 3rd century BC. He wrote little 10-minute-long satirical skits for a single performer playing multiple roles (presumably using props and accents). And if you modernized the names, these could have been written yesterday.

There's one making fun of pretentious people trying to outdo each other in art appreciation. There's one with a mother asking a schoolmaster to discipline her no-good son. There's one with a small businessman acting as his own lawyer in court, far less impressively than he thinks. There's one about an older woman trying to convince a young married woman to have an affair since her husband is away on business.

There's even one about women spending all day in the shoe store, trying things on, but not actually buying anything! I never suspected that *that* trope went back over two millenia!

My favorite bit, though, might be considered NSFW, so have a cut:( Read more... )

I finally got around to finishing the magic tome that Kes got me for Christmas last year. It's very much a Taschen book: Breezy text, *tons* of pictures, marvelous design. It's the sort of book that is best enjoyed in small chunks, which is a bit problematic, seeing as how it is physically HUGE, and requires non-trivial effort just to move it to a reading position.

I would also like to share one of my favorite images from the book, a 2-page spread of a poster advertising a mentalism act. Dozens of *cute* little demons have written their burning questions out on cards, with the hope that Miss Baldwin will answer them. Most of these question include such standard concerns as family, health, and money.

( Read more... )

osewalrus explains Rings of Power in terms of Operating Systems. Recommended.